HOLY SMOKE WE GOT US A NEW POPE

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany was elected pope Tuesday. He chose the name Benedict XVI. We here in the U.S. have a problem with people with the name Benedict (Remember Benedict Arnold betrayed us during the American Revolutionary War.) on top of that he is German. He would have been only a teenager during World War II so Nazi ties are unlikely. However, what of the rumors (Started here.) of his careening drunkenly down the Autobahn with little boys in the passenger seat. Hmmmm.

GERMAN PROTESTER CALLS FOR FEMALE POPE

Monday a woman protester marched in her crusade for a female pope. The cardinals gave brief cosideration to this idea but dismissed this thought based on two points: 1. The pope would have to be a chick and b. They'd lose her for five days out of the month for...well, you know.

GAS PRICES GO DOWN!!! HALLELUJAH!!!

Meanwhile, back in the colonies, gas prices took a small dip. Approximaetly .07 a gallon. That was enough relief that I allowed myself the extravagance of ripping a silent but deadly. My apologies to anyone in the area at that time. It were a stankty one.

A FAMILY PICTURE...EVERBODY SAY...AWWW, AIN'T THEY CUTE!!!

Here's a picture of me (Far right, duh.) Middle daughter Bailey(now 7 on the left) my wife Sherrie to her right, our youngest Eryn (now 4 to Sherrie's right.) our close personal friend Rocker Rod Stewart and our oldest daughter Mollie (Soon to be 9) on vacation in Orlando, Florida December 2004.

THE BEAUTY'S DEAD AND THE BEASTS GOT MARRIED

The BEAUTY'S dead and the BEASTS got MARRIED!!!!(Credit for this humorous art project goes to my witty wife, Sherrie!!!)

SHAMELESS BLOG PLUG

Just wanted to take a second to advertise Blurred Clarity, a terrific blog from across the pond. Not only has my mate Daniel got a swell blog, but he has a link to the greatest blog ever! (Yes, he has a link to MORONSDONTKNOWFROMNEWS but that's not the blog of which I speak. You'll have to visit Blurred Clarity to find out what I'm prattling on about.)

FRENCHMAN TESTIFIES JACKO PLAYS WITH MAC

Friday Frenchman Phillip LeMarque testified in the Michael Jackson case that about 13 years ago Jacko held Macaulay Culkin up to play a video game and proceeded to put his hand down the then eleven year olds pants. In his defense Jackson said he was grabbing for Culkin's joystick!

THE SILENT CARDINALS GET RECORD DEAL

After choosing a new Pope the quiet cardnials will record a CD with some of the following cover songs: Our Lips Are Sealed previously recorded by the Go-Go's, The Sounds Of Silence-previously recorded by Simon and Garfunkel, There's A Kind of Hush(All Over The World)-previously recorded by Hemarn's Hermits and an original composition We Really Like Little Boys!

I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!

I'm jumpin' up and down with excitement. (Apologies to the local people who felt small tremors from this.)I done went and figgered out this dumb blog and got you linked up to Blurred Clarity. Check it out between mourning the Pope and Frank Purdue.

BLOGS IS HARD WORK

Blogs is great, but blogs is hard! (Let me just step out of character for a moment to say I started this blog on a whim and just kind of got a kick out of it. A very kind fellow named Daniel has commented on my blogs and encouraged my silliness. He offered to do a blog swap. Now, being a newbie to blogs I didn't know what this meant. I just hoped it wasn't anything like Wifeswap or one of those other awful reality shows. Anywho, Daniel explained to me it meant he'd put a link to my blog on his and I'd do the same. Only I'm too ignernt to figger it out. I spent a good portion of the morning trying to accomplish this. I'll wait until my wife is home and get her superior intellect involved because...) BLOGS IS GREAT, BUT BLOGS IS HARD!

FRANK PERDUE (US POULTRY KING) DIES.

Cock-a-doodle-die! The Chicken King has left the building!

VATICAN SEARCHES FOR POPES REPLACEMENT

While mourning the pope's passing, the Vatican must move forward with the selection of a new pope here is an exclusive look at a few of the candidates:

Potential Pope Billy Joe Bob I, the first American pontiff would do away with Sunday Mass due to conflict with NFL football games and NASCAR races.

Potential Pope Manuel Julio Alfonso Miguel Juan Jorge Luis Enrique Roberto Andre Gabriel Umberto Pancho Emilio, Hispanic papal candidate would do away with any noontime Mass or meetings due to conflict with daily siesta.

Potential Pope John Paul George Ringo I from Great Britain would forgo any 4 o'clock Mass due to conflict with high tea.

These are just three of the candidates. More to come as we bring you: HOLY SMOKE WE'RE GETTIN' A NEW POPE!

POPE DIES.

Search on for coffin to fit pontiff and funny hat.

Gas Prices Again

Gas prices is so high I can't afford to fart. And you can quote me on that!